Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
