If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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