Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
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