I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
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He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
My vagina is very pro this idea
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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