I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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