I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize
