his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
Brb crying the tears of my youth
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Randomize
