so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
