we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
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