walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
