a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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