he wants to bone in the snuggie
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
Randomize
