so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
