I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
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Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
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You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
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