I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize
