singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
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