Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
Randomize
