im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
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