I want to make a zoo with you.
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
