Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
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