when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
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