at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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