You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Randomize
