its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
Randomize
