Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
