Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
Randomize
