O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
I have already put on my inside pants.
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
