He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
Someone shattered a urinal.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
Randomize
