remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize