Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
Randomize
