i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
Randomize
