she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
