Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
Do vagina's smell?
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
Randomize
