Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
No more Irish car bombs ever.
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i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
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