the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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