If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
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