NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
Randomize
