Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
Randomize
