New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
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