The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
