my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
My vagina just recognized that song.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
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