i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
birth control should be required to get into college
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
We have so much sex to catch up on
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
Randomize
