dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
Randomize