And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
Come back. Shots need mouths.
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
Randomize
