Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Randomize
