I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
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