hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
