Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
Randomize
