I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
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