I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
Randomize
