Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
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