you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Randomize
