You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
