Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
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Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
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