im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
