Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
Randomize
