FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
17 year olds will be the death of me.
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
Never joke about your clitoris.
Randomize
