He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
