I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
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