I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
Randomize
