The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
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