May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
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