somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
i think i have herpe
just one?
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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