I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
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