You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
