I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
Randomize
