the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
Randomize
