My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
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Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
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You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
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