His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
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