How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
Randomize
