when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Randomize
