literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
Randomize
