I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
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