I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
Randomize
