I think I am morally bankrupt
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
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